The Back Page: Only Weirdos Play With Bugs
Page 1 of 1 | © 2005-2010 text by Michael Jacobi
Issue 5 Contents | E-Zine Directory
Only Weirdos Play With Bugs
What kind of an idiot pays over $500—that's like 265 quid or almost 400 of those € things—for a bug?
Me.
What kind of person buys expensive produce for roaches, yet eats a bunch of junk?
Me.
You.
How do you explain the hours you spend with eight-legged creatures
and the lack of time you spend with two-leggers?
I usually say it's because they don't talk or judge or lie or crap on the carpet.
Can I get a hand count of the number of people who have spent gift money on bugs,
and then told good ole Grandma that you took your spouse out to dinner?
What kind of a person plays with bugs for over 30 years?
Me.
Some of you.
All of you, eventually.
I'll bet some of you have even squirreled away some money for a pricey spider
and then told your significant other that new blue thing was a trade or a gift.
Shame on you.
For stealing my ideas.
You really know you're a weirdo when you get that look.
That gesture of distaste at the giant spider on your T-shirt.
That glance of disgust when your mother-in-law visits.
Or that judgmental stare returned in the mirror when you realize
that the money you have spent on bugs could buy a nice reliable car.
Or at least new brakes and a muffler for the heap you drive because you spend
all of your freaking income on friggin' bugs.
Still, weirdos find company in other weirdos.
People who don't think they're off their rocker.
We need each other.
There are other weirdos out there.
And they don't play with bugs.
How weird is that?!?
Hopeless, the entire lot.
Bugs are cool.
Bugs are fun.
Bugs are weird.